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Discovering Helga Hayse was a godsend! We have long wanted to offer our newly solo visitors something extra — now we can! Helga has agreed to feed SoloDining.com an array of bite-sized columns which we will rotate frequently. We find her writings insightful and comforting. We hope you do, too.
NEW — “DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING, DEAR”
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Helga Hayse is an award winning journalist, writer, public speaker and video producer.
She conducts seminars on financial safety for married women and has presented workshops for New York Life, Allstate Life, Merrill Lynch and other financial and community groups. Hayse researched, wrote and presented these seminars before her husband died.
In an ironic twist of fate, she relied on the information in the seminars to help her navigate through the difficult emotional, physical, social and financial journey from wife to widow to solo.
Helga recently returned from a solo visit to Spain.
She unpacked a terrific solo travel tip which she shares. Click here
If my daughters had done this, I would be furious. Yet here I was, getting off the train on my way to Lucca (Italy) with a stranger I had met 45 minutes earlier. Mario was a chef on his way to begin a new job at a restaurant called Puccini, located in the house in Lucca where Giacomo Puccini was born. Mario's cousin was meeting him two stations before Lucca. My head said I was crazy; my intuition told me I could trust him. It seemed like a good way to practice my Italian. Right!
Marcello the cousin was waiting in his rusty ancient Fiat. He looked like the crazy derelict in a bete noir Italian movie where the men wear baggy pants, sleeveless undershirts and sport four days of stubble with a cigarette dangling out of the mouth. Marcello appeared to have one glass eye.
I climbed into the back seat, while Mario explained to his cousin why he had arrived with an American woman.
As the car barreled down the narrow main road, hitting every pothole with a back twisting thump, I panicked. Marcello glared at me with his good eye through the rear view mirror. I wondered how he was keeping track of the road.
"Where is her man?" he kept asking Mario, rotating his good eye between his cousin and me. I decided to take the lead. "Sono nonna," I said, hoping that Italian men treat family elders with respect. "I'm going to see my grandchildren."
The car veered onto a dirt road leading into a bamboo forest. Mario explained, "We pick up my sister. She is a nanny in a house near here. Then we drive directly to Lucca."
Marcello stopped the car in a grove of bamboo trees across from a tall iron gate. Mario explained it might be a few minutes. We got out of the car. Marcello disappeared into the trees.
I leaned against the trunk, my heart pounding in my ears. Here's where I get raped and robbed, I thought. To have come so far only to be violated in a forest in the middle of nowhere. Stupid decision, Helga!
Marcello swaggered back and forth in front of me, chain smoking and tugging at his belt. "Nona, nona," I repeated, pointing at myself, counting on his fond memories of his grandmother.
Finally, the iron gate opened. Mario's sister emerged. She approached the car. Mario introduced us.
"Molto piacere, pleased to meet you," his sister said. To her, the situation seemed normal. We
chatted amiably as the car headed for Lucca. Marcello's good eye was finally on the road.
Mario and his sister went inside the hotel with me to make sure the room was fine. His sister hugged me, bidding me buona fortuna. I wished Mario good luck in his new job. Marcello lit another cigarette and scratched his stubble.
I went to my room and pondered about the kindness of strangers.
“DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING, DEAR”
Why Women Need Financial Intimacy
By Helga Hayse
"Don't Worry About a Thing, Dear" — Why Women Need Financial Intimacy examines the myths and cultural
"truths" about marriage and money. Without financial intimacy in your marriage, you may feel angry, resentful,
patronized, ignored or invalidated by your husband. Sex, honesty, closeness, trust, parenting - your whole relationship
will be affected because bad feelings don't go away. They redistribute.
Financial intimacy helps to create financial transparency for you. You need this because once you say "I
Do", you become one half of a legal and financial partnership. Whatever your husband is doing financially,
you're doing it too. In this book, you'll learn, step by step, how to protect yourself against the financial challenges
that accompany divorce or widowhood.
Financial intimacy is not about trust. It's about participation and being a well-informed equal partner in your
marital finances. It's about self-esteem, mutual respect and shared knowledge. It's about protection for you if
your marriage ends.
Click: Financial Intimacy
for more details.
"When the lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes."
With these lyrics from Jerome Kern, Helga Hayse introduces a topic that should be required reading for married
women everywhere, but particularly women of a certain age who have believed that their spouses were better equipped
to handle the money.
The chapters are based on workshops entitled "A Wife's Guide to Financial Intimacy" Hayse has been presenting in the San Francisco Bay area for several years.
Chapters are short, to the point, and memorable, e.g. Five Financial Mistakes Wives Makes definitely got my
attention.
"Money is an awkward subject. Death is an awkward subject," says Hayse, "A
married woman is one-half of a legal and financial partnership. Unfortunately, wives behave
differently in marriage than partners do in business.
However, the risks are the same. My objective is to see that women achieve the financial intimacy they deserve
to make the marriage finances transparent ˆ and protect their financial interests in case something happens to
end their marriage through divorce or death."
Amen.
To visit Helga's website, click: http://www.financialintimacy.com
Planning a trip? Visit our sister website. Click here: SoloTravelPortal.com
If you have questions or comments about this Web page or site, e-mail: webmaster@SoloDining.com.
© 2008 SoloDining.com
